Translating Tinder: Taipei Edition

Dating in Taiwan can be miserable. Lots of people use Tinder. It sucks. Here are some translations of what certain things actually mean.

Descriptions

  • “I love to travel” – I’m painfully obvious and have little to contribute
  • “I love good food” – I’m painfully obvious and have little to contribute
  • “Addicted to coffee” – I like the aesthetic of drinking but can’t handle my booze
  • “Love wine” – I don’t really like to drink but I wanna look kinda classy so…
  • “Love movies” – I watch a lot of TV
  • “Love photography” – I wanna seem artistic but don’t wanna work. Also, look how expensive my camera is!
  • “Love ‘outdoor activities’” – I want to seem healthy and dynamic but I’m mostly just insufferable
  • “Love salsa and bachata” – I am sad, lonely, and getting older, but latin dance is exotic right?
  • “Design” – I like buying shit I don’t need
  • “Looking for a serious relationship” – My parents want grandkids like yesterday
  • “Here for networking” – My personal life is non-existent and I am incapable of relating to members of the opposite sex except on a professional level
  • “Here to practice my English” – Come at me white guys
  • “No ONS or FWB” – I have no idea what Tinder is for, why am I here?
  • “Looking for friends” – If you take me out and you’re attractive enough, I’ll probably put out and then immediately expect a relationship
  • “*Something in French*” – I really want to date a French guy

Pictures

not much going on
Fairly common
  • *Picture of cat* – I have no discernable personality and am totally unaware of how uninteresting I am
  • *Picture of dog* – This dog is literally the most interesting thing about my life
  • *Gym pic* – I’m doable
  • *Bikini pic* – I’d do me
  • *Beach pic not in bikini* – I’m terrified of my mother calling me a slut
  • *Kimono pic* – I’m traditional and showing skin freaks me out
  • *Lots of big hats* – Fashion!
  • *Close up pic of only part of face* – I’m insecure about my weight
  • *Picture at a European landmark* – My parents are rich
  • *Picture in a group* – I’m not the cute one
  • *Only one photo* – I never use Tinder and I probably won’t respond
  • *Same pic twice* – I don’t understand technology
  • *Pic with someone who could be an ex* – “Must be at least this attractive to ride”
  • *Main pic of something besides themselves* – I am probably unattractive and, at the very least, weird
  • *Blurred picture from a distance* – I am probably unattractive and at the very least want to appear artistic
  • *No pictures of face – only from behind / blurred / obstructed* – I am either unattractive or painfully irritating
  • *Duckface or weird Asian girl mouth shapes* – Come at me zhai-nan
  • *Picture holding an entire plate of food in a trendy cafe* – This is classy, right?
  • *Ubiquitous mid-air jump pic* – ugh

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